BoneTale
by TF141Soldier
Summary: You're gonna have a bone time. The story of Undertale, but with bones. Up monsters' bums. Like, bone, subscribe. Feat. Man-Of-Shame.
1. BoneRiel

BoneTale

 **Written by: Tf141Soldier, Man-of-Shame**

 **Fandom: Undertale**

 **Rating: B for Bones**

 **Warnings: Reading this story might get you a bone up your ass. You're gonna have a bone time.**

 **Shippings: BonesxAsses.**

Long ago, two races existed in harmony: bones and monsters. And also humans. One day, the bones were forcibly shoved up the monsters' asses. After a lot of screaming, the humans were successful. They sealed the monsters underground using a magic bone barrier, just to add insult to injury. Humans are dicks.

Many bones later…

[*****]

MT. EBONE

20BoneX

Legends say that those climb the mountains never sit right again.

Frisk took one look at the hole and decided, "I'm gonna fall down that hole. But slowly."

However, she tripped on spaghetti. As she fell to the depths below, she heard a cackling "NYEH HEH HEH. THOROUGHLY JAPED BY THE GREAT P-"

 _Wham!_

Luckily, Frisk's face broke her fall. Thank god it wasn't Frisk's ass. When she looked up to the sky, she saw a huge bone go inside the hole she fell down. She hoped this wasn't foreshadowing.

She fell unconscious, and when she came to, she realized that she was in a purple room, filled with flowers and upward-pointing bones.

 _Lot of bones here._

Seeing no better foreseeable options, they began walking down a hallway, which led them into a completely black room. As in, it was full of blacks. The next room, however, had a flower in it.

"Howdy," it groaned, clenching its apparent teeth. Frisk wasn't aware flowers were capable of possessing teeth, or sounding like they were in incredible pain.

"Uh… hi?" she says, hesitantly.

"I'm Flowey. Flowey the Flower," is what he would have said, had he not been wincing in pain. Instead, it sounded more like: "Eh'm Frwyi. Frwiyw da ginmisgn."

Flowey cringed in pain for several minutes before realizing Frisk was not cringing in pain; she stared at him, oblivious.

"You're not from the underground, are ya? I can tell by your ass. Or more so, the lack of a BONE IN IT."

"What?!" Frisk said, stepping backwards, wanting to return to the room full of blacks before realizing she hated black people.

"Golly, you must be so… hold on, give me a minute…" Ten hours later, after much, much cringing: "Confused right now."

"A little bit, yeah," Frisk admitted.

"Someone oughta teach you how bones work around here!" Flowey said, quasi-cheerfully, or it would have been quasi-cheerfully had he not been gritting his teeth. "I guess my bones will have to do!"

"What's with all the bone talk?" Frisk queried.

"Ya ready? Yeah, me neither," Flowey groaned, profusely.

A menu popped into Frisk; on the display was an ass. Or, at least, something ass-like.

"See that ass? That's… well, your ass. But we call it SOUL, to make the human kids feel better about getting bones shoved up their ass."

"What?!" 

Flowey continued on, imperiously ignoring her. "Try moving it."

Frisk was triggered. "Check ur privilege you white cis flower."

"Move dat booty."

Reluctantly, she did, because she was being oppressed.

"Your ass starts out weak, but it can gain strong if you put a bone into a monster's ass! We call it gaining LA. That stands for Level Of Ass!" 

Frisk pursed her lips, thoroughly triggered.

"Every monster down here already has a bone up their ass! So putting another one in, would kill them!" Flowey ebulliently explained, not giving a bon—shit.

"Do you?" Frisk asked, tentatively.

"What gave it away?" Flowey asked, clenching his teeth, sweat beading over his petals.

"But you don't have an ass."

"RUDE!" Flowey exclaimed. "Nah, it's inside my roots."

"Your ass or your bone?"

"Both. Now pay attention! You want some BONE, don't you?"

"NO!"

"How about LOVE?"

"Oh, okay! But you're a flow—" Abruptly, a line of bones appearing, encircling Frisk.

"Ya see, down here, love is shared via little white friendliness bones," Flowey explained. "Ya ready?"

"No!" Frisk refused, quickly dodging the bones. However, more bones appeared.

"Hey, pal. You missed 'em. Let's try this shit again!"

Frisk strafed out of the way.

"Are you an idiot?! Are you braindead? Or bone-dead, I should say?!" Flowey shouted, prickly as all hell. "RUN. INTO. THE. BONES."

Being the rebellious little shit that Frisk was, she dodged them once again. It was kind of invigorating. Flowey blankly stared at her before gaining a monstrous, but strained face. Because bones in your roots hurt.

"You know what's going on, don't you?" Flowey asked, his voice snarling.

"Hell no!"

"You just wanted to see me suffer!"

"You tried shoving bones up my ass!" Frisk points out.

"Details, details. In this world, it's bone or be boned."

Suddenly, an enormous line of bones encircled Frisk. She wasn't going to escape.

 _Shit._

"Get boned," Flowey rasped. Slowly, the bones drew closer.

 _Aw man._

Frisk silently signed her will. _My only dream was a world without Jews. And bones._

Before she could feel the sweet embrace of death (or bones), however, Flowey was suddenly punted like a soccer ball across the room.

She saw a skeleton roar, "GOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!" before suddenly disappearing. Before she could ask, realistically, what the fuck was going on, she was suddenly approached by a very pained-looking goat lady thing. Not to be racist, but… it was better than a flower.

"What a terrible… creature… thing…" Toriel muttered, straining herself on every syllable. "Ugh… don't be afraid, child… even if I wanted to hurt you, I don't think I could. I have a bone up my a—I mean, bum… ass."

"Who are you?" Frisk asked.

"I am Boneriel—shit, Toriel," Toriel corrected herself, sweat dropping down her neck, having a Vietnam flashback (Vietbone flashback). "I am the caretaker of the Ruins, because they symbolize my life… in ruins."

"That's pretty deep."

"Not as deep as the bone inside my ass, child. Follow me… on second thought, please carry me. It hurts to walk. I will guide you through the catacombs, but… only in bones—words. Words. That's what I meant, my ass—child. Child."

Frisk, resigned to her fate, picked up Toriel.

"You're a little bit heavy for me."

"Then drag me…" Toriel groaned.

Frisk proceeded to drag the goat-lady, wondering how much more spaghetti and bones she'd have to deal with over the course of this wacky adventure.

 **TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. NapstaBone

**CHAPTER 2!**

 **Also, for those of you who like stories with a similar kind (or bone) of humor, check out (along with my own stories) Apash3r, written by one of the co-writers of this fanfiction, Man-of-Shame.**

 **s/3283155/1/Apash3r**

 **[*****]**

Frisk and Toriel (or rather, Frisk dragging Toriel) entered into an incredibly purple room, bedecked with red roses, and vines, and also black people. There was a little, floating star in the center of the room, next to a bed of roses.

"What's the star thingy?" Frisk asked.

"I dunno, touch it tho, I mean you might disintegrate, but it'll be worth it… on second thought, don't disintegrate, I need somebody to carry me back."

"…"

"…"

"…Don't tell me what to do." Frisk fucking sprinted towards the star and touched that shit. She was suddenly filled with determination. Not bones, though, thank God.

Very anticlimactically, nothing happened. Frisk once again took hold of Toriel's bone—

"Child. My leg. Please."

"Whoops, my bad."

Frisk took hold of Toriel's leg and dragged her up a staircase, Toriel getting banged on each step. By the force of her head hitting the steps, not by Frisk or anybody else, you perverted fuck. Get your mind of the gutter. Or the ruins. They entered into yet another purple room – Frisk was really starting to wonder if the ruins were inspired by Prince. As in, the ruins looked gay. There was a tall, heavy metal door (she actually heard it playing death metal remixes of Prince songs) with a strange symbol on it that looked like a Triforce ripoff. Off to the right, there were six silver pads on the ground – as in, Tampons.

"Welcome to your new home, my child."

"A shitty Prince room?" Frisk asked, getting a grasp on her surroundings.

"It's more than just a shitty Prince room. It's a series of shitty Prince rooms," Toriel groaned. "Now lift me up… you need to help solving the puzzles."

Immediately, Frisk, being a determined little bitch, bounced on each of the necessary pressure pads on the ground, which opened the Triforce door; the death metal Prince slowly faded away.

Toriel glared at Frisk. "You're Asian, of course you know the answer."

"Of course the white person would be racist," Frisk noted, snapping her fingers up and down in a Z formation. "You honkey ass bitch."

Toriel laughed then immediately cringed. "It's funny because—oh crap, I'm in pain. Okay, drag me again. Just so you know, the Ruins will be full of puzzles. Just like my life. You have to solve these puzzles in order to move from room to room."

"Wait, if you have a bone up your ass, did that mean you had to do all these puzzles yourself?"

Toriel winced to high heaven. "Yeah. Now please, drag me. But not by my bone. By my leg."

The next corridor Frisk entered into was, surprise-surprise, still fucking purple, but there was a current of water running underneath various drawbridges. Much to Frisk's disappointment, the water was not purple.

"To make progress here, you're gonna need to trigger se—"

"Way ahead of you, bitch," Frisk grunted, being reminded of her Tumblr days.

 _WHITE CIS MALE SCUM! 3_ _RD_ _WAVE FEMINISM FOR THE WIN._

The sheer of Frisk's anger immediately solved the next puzzle – all the necessary switches that needed to flip… got flipped. Flipped off.

"…Well, that's one way to do it, my child," Toriel noted, coughing.

"It's the only way to do it," Frisk muttered, rage in her eyes. And bones.

Frisk and Toriel proceeded into the next room, but this otherwise nondescript room had something interesting about it. There was a monster off to the right. Just kidding, it's a dummy. But the dummy decided to try and attack Frisk anyway. It swung at her ass and then the menu that Flowey showed her from earlier. As shown on the digital display, the dummy had a bone up his ass.

 _Oh my god, Flowey was right… everyone DOES have a bone up their ass!_

"Don't worry, my child, just stall for time. I will be there soon," Toriel groaned from the floor, showing no signs of moving.

"You sure about that?" Frisk asked.

"…Yes. Just… bring the fight over here."

Frisk quickly moonwalked over to Toriel – they could a vague "Shamoan!" and a "Hee-hee!" (followed by a Nyeh-Heh) resonating within the walls. The dummy kept attacking her, but the dummy quickly realized that it had no arms. So really, it just sort of stood there, glaring at her, contemplating the meaning of the universe.

"…Uh, Toriel? Is it supposed to just stand there?"

"That's its' strongest attack, my child."

"How do I get to… go away?" Frisk asked, hesitantly.

"Wow, you're just saying that cos I'm black," said the white dummy.

"YOU TALK?!"

"RACIST!" The dummy, tired of Frisk's racist bullshit, disappeared. Flying into the sunset.

"WAIT FOR ME! TAKE ME WITH YOU!" Frisk bellowed, before realizing it was fruitless. As in, it had no fruit on it.

"Excellent job, my child… I guess," she muttered, slamming her head against the floor over and over. "Forgive me, child, the pain in my head helps me forget the pain in my ass."

"So… did I win?"

"Sure. Now help me up again."

Rinse and repeat. They went through yet another room, wreathed with overgrowth, but Frisk's otherwise uninterrupted pace was rudely halted by a frog… thing. It stared at her with the kind of blank stare that only a monster with a bone up its ass could muster.

 _That seals it. All the monsters down here have bones up their asses._

"Try flattering it…" Toriel muttered.

"Your bone… is very… nice," Frisk said, giving a hesitant thumbs-up.

The Froggit tilted its head, not understanding what Frisk said, but it was flattered anyway. And then just as quickly offended. It hopped away – well, it would have hopped, had there not been a bone. Instead, it just sort of shuffled away, like a penguin.

Frisk quickly came upon a huge bridge atop a bed of water. It was a normal-looking bridge, except it was coated with spikes. Frisk jumped back and looked at Toriel.

"What kinda fucking puzzle is this?!" Frisk asked.

"My favorite… you have no idea how hard it was to maneuver across that with a bone up your ass…" Toriel muttered.

"How do I get across?"

"Iunno. How would _you_ get across?"

Ten hours later, Frisk realized she didn't have to cross the bridge at all. She just swam to the other side.

Toriel glared at her, ignoring her spike-inflicted wounds. "I mean, I guess you could do that," Toriel bitterly muttered. "Now… come get me."

"Fuck."

It took three days to get Toriel across the water. Toriel shook the water of her mane and ears, which took a full day in itself.

"You've done pretty alright thus far," Toriel noted. "For an Asian. Your next puzzle will be your hardest… you need to do my math homework."

"Joke's on you – I already did your math homework!" Frisk proclaimed, triumphantly clutching a sheet of calculus.

"Very good. But I have a difficult request to ass—ask. Ask… of you. You need to walk to the end of this room by yourself."

The room in question was a long, curving, seemingly endless (but still purple) corridor.

"Is this a prank?" Frisk asked, tentatively.

"My life is a prank, child. Do not be afraid… you're not the one with a bone up your ass. Yet."

"What was that last part?"

"Nothing. Now please… bone. Go. Go. Sorry."

Much to her surprise, the room wasn't really that long. Depth perception and what not. In fact, it took Toriel considerably longer to get across the hallway then it took Frisk. Frisk waited an entire year for Toriel to drag herself to Frisk's feet.

"Hello, my child, I hope I didn't keep you waiting," Toriel noted, sweat filming all over her, pain in her eyes.

"Eh, it wasn't that long," Frisk said, tearing off her beard. "So, what next?"

Toriel reached into her dress pocket out a cellphone.

"This is a cellbone—phone. Phone. I'm sorry, my child. Some traumas you do not forget, especially ones you're still experiencing. Do you know what a cellphone?"

Frisk glanced over her Asian body. "No, I do not know what a cellphone."

"I don't know, either. Try it out."

Frisk did, grabbing the out-of-date flip phone and flipping it off. She flipped it back and forth like a butterfly knife for several minutes before realizing she broke the screen.

"Oh, shit, sorry," Frisk meekly muttered.

"Don't worry, child. I have another one," Toriel said; immediately her pockets exploded, revealing a fuckton of cellphones.

"Why do you have so many cellphones?"

"Why don't you have so many cellphones? Please take one you like."

Unfortunately, they were all the same brand, same color, same model. So Frisk just chose the one that smelled the least like bone—goat. Goat. Goat.

"I like dis one," Frisk proclaimed.

"No, my child, that one's mine… pick another one."

Frisk picked yet another one out of random.

"No… another one," Toriel muttered.

This happened for several years until there was only one phone remaining – the one that Frisk broke.

"Well, it's better than nothing," Frisk said.

"Actually, that one doesn't suit you. Take this one," Toriel muttered, handing Frisk the phone she first picked out. In a fit of anger, Frisk's head exploded.

"Anyway, I have some bones-business to take care of," Toriel said. Immediately, she stood up and sprinted away, seemingly forgetting the elephant in the room, or rather… well, you know.

Frisk waited around, leaning against the purple bricks and called the shit out of Toriel. She never picked up (but nobody came). Getting bored, Frisk decided to pay a visit to a nearby Froggit, who said:

"Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit ribbit, ribbit ribbit. Ribbit ribbit ribbit ribbit, ribbit ribbit," which roughly translated to: "I get pussy cause I ride 26's / I got a trophy cause I fucked a thousand bitches. I flex bitches, I flex bitches (and bones), I'm powered up, I'm riding the bone-bitch and she's trippin."

Frisk, grooving to that dank ass beat, decided to leave the room before she became black. She encountered yet another Froggit, who said (roughly translated and paraphrased):

"I ain't gonna let it get to me, I'm just gon' creep / down at Pumpkin Hill I gots to find my lost pieces / I know that it's here, I sense it in my bones—feet / The Great Emerald's power allows me to feel (bones up my ass)."

Frisk applauded, then went into yet another room. Still no answer from Toriel. She found a huge chalice surrounded by roses, and atop the chalice was a plate full of packaged candy called "Monster Candy".

 _Take one, huh?_

Frisk ate one. It was indescribably sweet. Too bad she was allergic.

 _I should stop eating,_ she said, eating every single piece of candy. _BUT I WON'T! MY DETERMINATION WON'T LET MEEEEEEE!_

She left the room after seizuring for an hour on the floor.

Frisk kept traversing through the purple Ruins, trying again and again to call Toriel, but to no avail, presumably because she was writhing in pain. She came across another puzzle involving rocks and switches, but before she could solve the incredibly hard, challenging puzzle of pushing something onto something else, her progress was halted because she was jumped by a bunch of black Moldsmals.

"WE DON'T LIKE WHITE WOMEN IN OUR NEIGHBORHOOD!"

"BUT I'M ASIAN!" Frisk yelled, my bad.

"OH SHIT, MY BAD!" They immediately left.

She went to pushing the rocks, but then one of the stones began bitching at her.

"WHOA THERE! You think you can just push me around?"

"Yes."

"…WELL, OKAY THEN!"

Frisk then pushed the rock into place, which lowered another drawbridge, allowing her to go into yet another room. She was convinced she was pretty much lost, but she didn't give a fuck.

Much to her surprise, the next room had one of those swirly yellow stars. Frisk immediately slapped the hell out of that shit, filling her with determination and racism. And racist jokes. But the only person who was there to hear her racist jokes was a piece of cheese on the table.

"Wow man, that's racist," said the cheese. "You Asian piece of shit."

Frisk wanted to eat the cheese, but she realized she was lactose intolerant. She left the room and was shocked to come upon a ghost, lying atop a bed of roses. This ghost was no ordinary ghost – it was wearing headphones, and it was _white_. All of a sudden, the bed of roses was lit afire.

"That bass drop…" the ghost muttered, melancholically. "It's a pity the roses had to die. Unfortunately, everybody around me wilts away. I have that effect on people."

"Damn, you're edgy," Frisk said.

"No, I'm a ghost. I have no edges."

Frisk noticed, oddly, the ghost did not have a bone up its ass. Suddenly, a light flashed in Frisk's head.

"Are you a human?!"

"No, I'm a ghost."

"Were you ever once a human?"

"No, I always a ghost."

"Wait, you've always been dead?"

"Inside…" the ghost hovered up into what Frisk assumed was a standing position, and the ghost stared at her with unblinking eyes. After blinking. "My name is Napstablook… I don't have a bone up my ass. I wish I did, though. That way I could fit in with the other monsters."

The ghost, despite it being completely translucent, was in her way. Frisk tried going through Napstablook.

"Nononoononononononono, I'm not ready for this part of the relationship yet," Napstablook muttered, crying. His tears were like fire. As in, they fucking burned Frisk.

"OW!" she jumped back, before realizing the only fire was the bed of roses. "...AHHHHHHHHH!"

She ran around on fire.

"Oh… are you a mixtape-maker, too?" Napstablook asked, shyly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"What kind of music do you make? I make EDM and IDM sometimes… and also… like… music."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"

"Sometimes there's notes involved… sometimes there's rhythm involved… sometimes I hit drums with sticks… even though I have arms."

"WHY DOES NOBODY HAVE ARMS IN THIS WORLD? ALSO, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"Do you want a glass of water?" 

Napstablook tried to pick up a nearby glass of water, but it went right through him.

"Just like all my other relationships in life…" Napstablook muttered, more tears dropping, which only accentuated the fire.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"My tears are made of water… here, have some."

Suffice it to say, it didn't help. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

After hours of being on fire, Frisk realized that she could have just gone into the other room and jumped into the water.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Frisk asked. She proceeded to do, and she limped back into the room. Napstablook was still in her way, despite him being a transparent ghost.

"Look, ghost, I don't wanna fight you, but you leave me no choice."

Frisk sliced at Napstablook with a knife she apparently had. Napstablook kept crying, which lit Frisk on fire.

"WHY?!"

"I'm sorry… Hold on, I can make it better," Napstablook says, inverting his tearstream to make a little hat. A tophat, much to Frisk's surprise.

"…Hey, that's pretty dapper," Frisk says, ignoring her flaming body.

Napstablook's tears stopped. "Thank you… I rarely ever get compliments…" He was so happy, the hat dropped off his head – and, out from the hat, came a bone.

"…Oh," Napstablook said, sounding indescribably surprised. "I never knew…"

"Well, hey, now you can fit in!" Frisk proclaimed, cheerfully.

Napstablook tried sitting on the bone, before realizing he had no ass.

"Oh… wait. I can make this right," Napstablook said, determined. "Stranger… I don't want you to feel left either."

"Wait, what," Frisk said, her stomach dropping.

"You'll be cool. Unlike me."

Napstablook picked the bone up using ghost magic or some shit.

"WAIT!" Frisk screamed.

Before she could even think to run away, the bone was shoved up her ass. Without any fanfare whatsoever.

 _NONONONONONO._ Frisk began yodeling in pain…

Before realizing there was no pain at all, save for the fact that she was fire.

"Wait… I don't get it," Frisk said, moving her ass around a little bit, not feeling at any pain or any obtrusion whatsoever. "The goat lady was in a lot of pain… do bones not affect humans?"

"Ohhh…. It's a ghost bone…" Napstablook muttered, a little teardrop forming on his eye. "…I guess… you and I… are pretty uncool."

"Eh… I'd rather be lame than have a bone up my ass."

"That sounds like a moral," Napstablook muttered, before looking at his watch, before realizing he had no arms. "Oh, goodness, look at the time. I need to go home and feel like garbage. And also buy a watch. So long for now, friend."

"Ditto," Frisk said.

"…It's Napstablook."

The ghost moonwalked out of the room despite its lack of opposable legs. Or legs in general.

"…Wait, how can you buy a watch if you don't have arms?"

Napstablook was already gone. Frisk began contemplating the meaning of bones. But then she realized she was still on fire.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"


End file.
